As some of my Facebook friends know, we took the door off of Keely’s bedroom last week. Thank you all for the encouragement and support, I loved reading all your comments.
My sweet little nine year old girl has a tendency to lose her temper, stomp down the hallway, and slam her door. If that wasn’t bad enough, she then locks it. If the reason for the stomp, slam and lock is because she has had an argument with a friend, it means her friends are left standing at her door saying “Keely let me in!” This in turn bugs the heck out of me and Steve if we are trying to watch TV, read, or have a conversation.
Even worse, if the stomp, slam and lock is because she is ticked off at her parents, then either Steve or I are the ones in the hallway saying “Keely, open the door!” There is a direct correlation to her locking that door and then getting “stuck to the refrigerator”.
Did I mention that my sweet little girl has a temper? She can be a wee bit strong willed. Perhaps she was a somewhat spoiled when we first made the move to Colorado…
She can be a little bit of a total shit in fact.
Steve came up with the brilliant idea of making Keely stand in front of the refrigerator whenever she would throw one of her hissy fits. I guess the refrigerator became our version of the time out chair. The time in front of the refrigerator gave her time to get control of herself, and then we could have a conversation with her about her transgression.
When my son David was here over Christmas a year ago, she told him that she liked living in Colorado, but she did not like being “stuck to the refrigerator”. David asked her what that was, and she informed him “I get stuck to the refrigerator whenever I do something I’m not supposed to do. And it’s NOT fun!”
Score one for the parents.
A month or so ago Keely did the stomp, slam and lock. Steve told her the next time that happened he was going to take the door off her room. (We had talked about it after the previous temper outburst) So last week, while a friend was over, Keely did it again. As I was chewing her out about it, Steve walked in from work. She and her friend went downstairs to play, blissfully unaware that her world was about to change.
An hour later, after dinner and more playing, she went down the hall to her room.
“Mom! Where is my door?!”
“It’s in the garage Keely. Steve took it off. You were warned.”
“Mom! Steve! I HAVE to have my door!”
“Sorry babe, not going to happen. We will let you know when you can have it back. Depends on how you act, starting now.”
“You are the WORST parents EVER!” Stomp, stomp, stomp downstairs. (No door slamming though)
The next morning as we were waiting for the bus we talked about it. I told her that she could depend on us, she could trust us. If we tell her we are going to do something we do it. Sometimes that means we go places, or do really fun activities. Sometimes it means we take the door off her room, because we told her we would. I pointed out that Steve had been gone for 12 hours when he came home that evening, and then took 30 minutes to take the door off. Not because it was fun, and certainly not something he wanted to do. But because he had told her he would do it the next time she did a stomp, slam and lock. And we keep our word.
She didn’t say much. But I could see the wheels turning in her little head.
Over the course of the next few days the door was not mentioned again. Keely was an angel. She did everything we asked the first time we asked. She fed the horses and the dogs, gave Brandi her pills. Did her laundry, folded our clothes and placed them neatly on the bed. Cleaned her room, loaded the dishwasher.
Friday we put the door back up. When she came home from school, she had a friend with her. Nothing was said, we didn’t make a big deal about it, and neither did she.
She knows that we love her. She knows that she can depend on us. She knows that we are going to do what we think is the right thing, even if it is difficult for us and for her.
My other kids are 33 and 28. I’ve taught martial arts to a lot of kids. I’ve heard and seen a lot.
I know that we still have puberty and teen age years to get through. It’s not going to be fun; it’s not going to be pretty. We will just do the best we can, be consistent, and love her. Pray. And keep our fingers crossed.
Kira and Keely
We went to see Red Tails last evening, the newly released movie about the Tuskegee Airmen, an all black fighter pilot squadron. The theater was in Colorado Springs, which is home to several Army bases, NORAD (Cheyenne Mountain) and the Air Force Academy. In other words, a military town. The theater was packed for the 4:30 showing.
In front of us in the line for tickets were two young men, very spit and polished in their Air Force Academy uniforms. One was black, the other white. Two buddies, out on a Saturday night to watch a movie that was part of the history of their branch of military service. I would have loved to talk to both of them after the movie.
Watching a movie about flying with a pilot is a unique experience. When Steve and I went to see Avatar, I looked over several times to see him maneuvering his hand like a plane, taking it through the turns and lifts. We saw Avatar three times in three week because of the 3D experience.
For sure we will see Red Tails again, but will wait for the next showing at home since it is not in 3D. But I did look over several times and see Steve’s hand maneuvering through the flight scenes. Of course he also also leaned over several times to tell me what kind of plane was on the screen.
His take on the movie? Great flying, great special effects, great story.
I agree.
But there is another element to the movie, the story of racial prejudice in our country, in our military, during this war. The words and the attitude made me cringe. These young men were risking their lives for their country, yet were not allowed in the “whites only” officers club.
I think most of us would like to think that this kind of prejudice has died a well deserved death.
Kira is my “daughter from another mother of a different color”. She was one of my star Taekwondo students, an employee, and now a dear friend. She has deployed twice to Iraq, is full time Army,and I am as proud as I can be of her. I couldn’t help but think of her as I watched Red Tails.
Kira and I roomed together at The Adams Mark one weekend several years ago. We were in Dallas for the Nationals, which included a banquet and dance as well as a tournament. After the banquet was over, a group of us headed back to our rooms. When we got to our door, I realized I had misplaced my room key card. Since I’d had several glasses of wine, I decided to take my shoes off (they were killing me) sit down in the hallway, and let Kira go get a new room key.
She came back without the key. The lady at the reception desk would not give her one because she didn’t have any identification. She was told there was nothing they could do for her. Kira was teary eyed when she told me this.
Well. I went marching downstairs, and the same lady was at the desk. I told Kira to hang back. I explained to the woman that I had lost my key. She asked for identification, I told her I had none. She then volunteered that someone would have to let me into the room and then I would have to show him my ID. ”Fine, I can do that. Now, why didn’t you tell that to my daughter over there when she told you she was locked out of her room?” You should have seen the look on her face when Kira walked towards us. She of course did not have a good answer, so I asked to speak to her manager. Suffice it to say he understand how damned mad I was at the way Kira had been treated.
I don’t know if Kira and her brother Dominic (who is serving in the Navy and I am so stinking proud of him too) experience prejudice in today’s military. I need to ask them about that. But if I had to guess? I’d say that prejudice is still there, certainly more subtle than what we saw on the movie screen last night, but perhaps even more damaging because we are supposed to be smarter and more enlightened now.
Are we?
Filed under: Life
It never ceases to amaze me how weird people can be. Some people obviously have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than troll the web and write nutty diatribes pushing their narrow minded agendas. And they are stupid enough to think that I’m going to help them circulate their crazy rants by approving their comments. Seriously? If you want to express yourself, get your own blog. It’s easy to do. WordPress.com.
Filed under: Life | Tags: bff, friends, self defense classes, separate ways, separation, yoga instructor
Steve and I had a lot of discussions about happiness before our move to Colorado. He was concerned about me leaving my family, my business, and my friends. I had put down deep roots in Little Rock, the place I had called home since I was 8 years old. Because of my involvement in the martial arts and the self-defense classes I taught, it was unusual for me not to run into someone I knew whenever we went out.
Neither of us knew a soul when we made the move to Penrose in August of 2010. I have to say there was something exhilarating about that for me. It was good to be anonymous, it was good not to be “Ms. Ray”.
During those introspective times before we left Little Rock, I realized that most, if not all, of the people I called friends were in my life because of Little Rock Martial Arts. I’m cynical enough to know that some of those friendships were based on my position as instructor.
We went back to Little Rock several months ago. We got together with some of my Taekwondo buddies one night, and it was really great to see them. After catching up on life events for the last year, we hugged and went our separate ways.
I find that I have absolutely no interest in what is happening at my old school. When I handed over the keys to the new owner, I closed that door and locked it tight. I will never regret the opportunity I had to be involved in so many lives and the friendships I made. But that chapter of my life is over.
Facebook is great. During the first months in Colorado, keeping up with friends on Facebook saved my life. It was tough, I have to admit, not having anyone at all to socialize with here. But then I met Lisa who lives across the street and I now go riding with. Then there is Marie, my yoga instructor. We had coffee several times a week before she moved to Florida to live at an Ashram. But Marie introduced me to Paula, who is now my BFF. We talk on the phone several times a week, go shopping together, and will be making a trip to Napa for her birthday. Paula introduced me to Susan, my massage/physical therapist and horsewoman extraordinaire. There are several people in my yoga and Kenpo classes that I think are good possibilities for friendship.
Steve, Michelle and Dennis
One day Steve and I were having lunch in Colorado Springs. He was totally ignoring me while he typed away on phone. He was having a discussion about photography with my old boyfriend Dennis, who is my friend on Facebook. I had not seen Dennis in 30 years or so, but we reconnected through Facebook right before I left Little Rock. I suggested they “friend” each other so that they did not have to keep having conversations in my posts. That they did, and now they have great conversations about a myriad of subjects. We had lunch with Dennis when we were in Little Rock so he and Steve could meet. We are hoping that one of these days Dennis and his wife Debbie will be able to make it out here.
I don’t feel a responsibility to “be nice” because of my position as a school owner. If someone rubs me the wrong way, I don’t have to socialize with them. It’s a new thing for me, choosing my friends like this.
Michelle, Heidi and Carla
Several friends from Little Rock have been to visit. Carla and Heidi have each been here several times. The last trip they stayed with us they met each other for the first time. Now they are good friends and hang out together in Little Rock. I feel like a successful matchmaker!
Theresa used to work with me in the surety business. We reconnected through Facebook. I hadn’t seen her for 12 or 13 years, but she and Greg stayed with us at Thanksgiving. Nothing at all in common now except our past work history, but we are still friends.
Lunch with the Terry and Mandy Brake
And then there are the Brakes. I met Terry and Mandy at a dude ranch twenty years ago. They have been to visit in Little Rock several times, Charles, my mom and the kids made several visits to their wonderful home in Wiltshire, England. Steve and I stayed with them in Wiltshire two years ago. Steve and I were so glad to host them this summer for two glorious weeks. We had a blast. It may be a few years before we are physically in the same place again, but I know we will take up right where we left off.
There are circles to friendships. My martial arts friends were my inner circle when martial arts were my life. We are still friends, but the intimacy and closeness of day to day involvement is not there. Some friends have moved, or our children have grown up. We don’t attend the same church anymore. That’s what I love about Facebook. I can still be in contact with those friends.
Some friendships cross over time, careers, distance and marriages. Some don’t.
And that’s OK.
Filed under: Life in Colorado | Tags: Beaver Creek, Colorado, cowboys, Haunted Stagecoach House, Horseback
Michelle and Maestro at the Haunted Stagecoach House
There is an area called Beaver Creek that runs along the edge of Penrose, Colorado where we live. The creek used to be a whole lot bigger than it is now, its dry most of the year. It also used to be the route for the stagecoaches to run back in day.
Last year Steve flew over the area and spotted a road. The next day we were out in the Wrangler searching for it. After a few hours we found the road-path. It is NOT easy to find. We bounced down the rock filled one lane dirt road on the side of a cliff, Keely yelling “woohoo!” all the way down. That was the first time we saw the brick building open to the sky. We took some photos and then drove over to the butte a few miles away. Climbing that slate filled hill is a whole other story.
We found out the cool looking building was an old stagecoach house. Legend has it that it is also haunted. I don’t know about that, but it is a really cool building in a unique setting that brings images from all those western movies instantly to mind.
Last week my friend Lisa and I decided to ride to the Haunted Stage Coach. She had never seen it. As the crow flies, the area is not more than a mile or two from our house. But, while Penrose is laid out on a very logical grid of numbered and alphabetically named streets, the logic doesn’t work. We use the expression “you can’t get there from here” all the time when we are trying to get from point A to point B in our little town. The roads just stop. They don’t go all the through. Well, some of them do, but you don’t know which ones until you drive them. Then you have to remember which ones do and which ones don’t. Not so bad if you are in a car, not so much fun if you are miles away from home on a horse and the sun is going down and it’s getting cold. Worse when one of you (Lisa) really has to pee and you are on a 16 hand horse that you can get back up on very easily.
Did I mention it was really hard to find the road to the Stagecoach House? We didn’t make it that day. Lisa called her husband Ted; he drove over and got on her horse Mister to ride him home. Lisa hightailed out of there in the car to get home and to a bathroom.
Yesterday we decided to try it again. We went a different route through Penrose, making a lot of U turns because the road just stopped at someone’s driveway. But we eventually found the road and made it to the Haunted Stage Coach House. Lisa was on a shorter horse, so we got down and walked around, posing for a few pictures to prove that we had been there.
As we were getting ready to mount up a cowboy rode up on a big sorrel horse. Now you have to understand, we are in the middle of this huge wash of dirt, sand and rocks. Cottonwoods line the creek bed; there are cliffs all around us. And here comes this guy on a horse out of nowhere.
We all introduced ourselves. Jim said he rode the area a lot, as he was training horses for folks. He was looking for people to ride with. We both volunteered. He has a horse trailer and likes to go to different areas to ride. Can you say a dream come true for me? He told us that we could ride the canyon quite a ways on horseback, so we followed him down the trail.
Jim told us about himself. He had spent his life raising cattle. Had owned several feed stores, which his children had now. He had been married for 59 years and he was 80 years old. I just about fell off my horse when he told me his age. Suffice it to say he does not look or act like he is 80. This was, by anyone’s definition, a real cowboy.
As we went into the shadows at the base of a cliff we realized it was already 3PM. It gets dark and cold pretty fast out here in the west, so we all agreed it was a good time to head back. We had a good two hours of riding to get home.
As we were climbing up to road to civilization Jim asked if our horses would load in a trailer. I knew Maestro would, Lisa thought Little Bit would. Our cowboy savior then suggested that we load our horses in his trailer and he would drive us home. It did not take much thought or discussion for us to agree that it was a WONDERFUL idea!
The horses loaded like a dream. We made the return trip in the luxury of an F-250 with a heater and it took us about 10 minutes.
Many of us women dream about the knight in shining armor riding up to rescue us. Yesterday I was rescued by an 80 year old cowboy riding a sorrel horse. With a horse trailer.
How cool is that?
Filed under: Life in Colorado | Tags: Canon City, Colorado, hiking, Red Rock Canyon, UBBT
One of my favorite things to do in Little Rock was climb Pinnacle Mountain and run around the base trail. My love affair with Pinnacle began when I started the UBBT (Ultimate Black Belt Test) in 2009. One of the requirements of the test was participation in an Eco Adventure which would involve a lot a hiking. While I was pretty good at gym conditioning, I had not done a lot of outdoor hiking. I had to overcome some fears about heights and falling to my death, but with a lot of persistence and some encouragement from Steve I got there.
On New Year’s Day in 2010 we climbed Pinnacle with a few of my TKD students and Keely.
Yesterday, New Year’s Day 2012 found us in Red Rock Canyon. What a contrast to just two years before. We now live in Colorado and cannot believe how lucky we are to call this beautiful state home. Keely has become much more experienced at hiking and climbing and she doesn’t whine much at all. I don’t feel like crawling on all fours instead of walking when the rocks get steep. We have done some really fabulous hikes all over the country but there really wasn’t great areas close to home. 
Of course some things are not going to change. Keely and Steve are still going to scare the crap out of me getting way to close to the edge of a cliff with a 600 foot drop. I’m not ever going to be the chick on the TV commercial that wants to climb that needle-like rock a gazillion feet in the air.
My surgeon told me when I had hip replacement that I would never be able to run again. That didn’t really upset me; running has never been my thing even when I was doing 40 miles a week. I just thought it was plain boring really.
Then I found that I loved running the base trails at Pinnacle. For some reason trail running doesn’t make my hip feel like it’s coming out of its socket like running on pavement does. I love the challenge of dodging rocks, jumping over obstacles, ducking under branches, knowing that if I fall it is going to hurt like hell. There were some trails around here that were ok…but nothing really great.
I haven’t found a place I connected with like Pinnacle Mountain until yesterday.
This New Year’s Day we found Red Rock Canyon (thank you Paula!) Rock Canyon is breathtaking, similar to Garden of the Gods but without the tourists. We spent three hours there yesterday, Keely in tow and joined by Steve’s coworker Mark. There are lots of dirt roads and trails, and beautiful red rock formations to climb. The park is huge and the terrain is varied, and it’s just outside of Canon City.
I am in heaven
