Michelle Ray’s Blog

What Is Your Tree?

Julia Butterfly Hill is an American  activist and environmentalist.  She lived in a 180-foot tall, 600-year-old California Redwood  tree for 738 days.   Hill lived in the tree, affectionately known as “Luna” to prevent loggers of the Pacific Lumber Company from cutting it down. She was awarded the Courage of Conscience award October 31, 2002.  Julia was born in Jonesboro, Arkansas.

UBBT Coach Tom Callos interviewed Julia recently.  You can hear the recording by going to the ubbt site. 

What Is Your Tree?

That is the question that Julia asks.  What do you believe deeply and passionately about?  Anything?  Are you willing to actually DO something instead of TALK about it? 

Your Tree does not have to be something tied to the environment. 

MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers)

Candy Lightner founded MADD in 1980 after her daughter, Cari, was killed by a repeat drunk driving offender. Cindy Lamb—whose daughter, Laura, became the nation’s youngest quadriplegic at the hands of a drunk driver—soon joined Candy in her crusade to save lives.

Susan G Komen Foundation

Susan G. Komen fought breast cancer with her heart, body and soul. Throughout her diagnosis, treatments, and endless days in the hospital, she spent her time thinking of ways to make life better for other women battling breast cancer instead of worrying about her own situation. That concern for others continued even as Susan neared the end of her fight. Moved by Susan’s compassion for others and committed to making a difference, Nancy G. Brinker promised her sister that she would do everything in her power to end breast cancer forever.

Andy Mandell “Mr. Diabetes”.

I had the honor of meeting Andy in Greensboro, AL.  A fellow martial artist, Andy, at age 62, just completed walking the perimeter of the United States in order to raise awareness about diabetes and how it can be prevented by a healthy lifestyle.  He is the founder of the Defeat Diabetes Foundation, and the author of a curriculum that I will be using at LRMA and in the local schools to educate the public about diabetes.   

These are examples of ordinary people that have found their Tree and  taken action in a life changing, history changing way.  We can’t all make such a huge impact, but we can take steps to change ourselves, our family, our community. 

 Green Belt and What Is Your Tree

While the concept of finding your Tree goes way beyond the environment, we are going to use it for the title of our Green Belt Project.   All students at LRMA are required to complete this project as part of their training to become a Black Belt. 

Step One

Pick a subject related to the environment that interests you.

Step Two

Do some research, look into the problem, what caused it, what can be done.

Step Three

Write a report so that you can share with your instructors and fellow students what you have learned.

Step Four

Take action!  Do something to make a positive change in for our environment.  Start with yourself and your family.  Then, how about showing what true leadership is, and make a change at your school, your place of business, the community. 

The first journal entry was written September 20, 2008.  What follows this entry is my current journal update of April 20, 2009.  This is also my first interview with a living hero for the UBBT.

TIME-September 20, 2008

I’m having lunch Monday, September 22, with a friend of mine.  So what, right?  Well, let me tell you about my friend.  She moved here from N. Carolina seven years ago.  We became friends, and I was very honored and blessed to be the person that was with her when her daughter was born six years ago.

We gradually started losing touch with each other.  The visits were farther apart, as were the phone calls.  We still had the friendship, it just was kind of on the back burner. 

Three years ago she was diagnosed with cancer.  Operations and follow up chemo.  I visited her when she was in the hospital.  Did some follow up phone calls.  And, again, we drifted apart.

 Three weeks ago she was in the hospital again.  And, as always, “B” was cheerful, asking how I was doing.  Smiling when I walked in the door, even though I knew she was in a lot of pain.

She is 42 years old.  A single mom of a six year old girl.  

She is dying.  The doctors have told her that there is nothing they can do.  No more operations, no more chemo.  No more hope. 

42 years old.  

You know what one of the biggest fears every parent has?  That they will not be there to help and guide their children to adulthood.  

“B” is fighting to see her daughter grow up.  To be there to hold her when she is hurt, to celebrate birthdays, a wedding, a victory. 

I know, and she knows, that she is going to a better place where she will not suffer anymore.  ”B” has the strongest faith of anyone I have ever met.  A serenity and peace about life and its hardships.  But I also know that her biggest fear is leaving her daughter.

Time.  

We all have the same amount of time in a day.  But we don’t know how much time we really have.

I wish I had spent more time with “B”.  

As I look at my life, and how I spend my time, I realize that I throw away so much of something very precious.  Every minute that I waste staring at silly TV shows, playing solitaire on the computer, surfing the internet, is time that cannot be put to good use.  Time that I didn’t spend with my daughter, with my family, with my friends, with helping others.  I don’t know how much time I have, but I am going to use it wisely.

Monday, I’ll have lunch with “B”.  She has an idea of how much time she has left.   And it breaks my heart. 

AN UPDATE ON TIME-April 20, 2009

I didn’t have lunch with B in September.  She was too sick from chemo to meet with me.  And yet again, I let time slip away.

I saw her when I took Keely to the church Easter Egg hunt last Saturday.  Her great smile, warm hug, asking how I was.  I felt about two inches tall. 

We set a date, that day, for breakfast on Friday, which was last week, April 17.

We sat on my deck in the sun, drank coffee and ate strawberries.  We talked, we laughed, we cried.

B is on a brief break from chemo, she’s allergic to all of the poison that they have been flooding her body with. Her body has become so weak and tired that she needed to stop chemo just to try to build some strength up.  Before starting again.    She’s still working, she has no choice.  It’s a struggle.  Finances are a struggle.  Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is a struggle.  She is living with pain and fatigue every day, at a rate that I just cannot imagine.

And she smiles, and laughs, and talks about how good God is.

The cancer, which spread to her liver, is not operable.  Chemo is the only hope.  There are only seven types of chemo that can be used for her type of cancer, and she seems to be allergic to all of them.  Her doctors are trying something a little different this time, hence the four week break before starting over.  She knows that the cancer is growing within her during this break. 

And this incredibly brave woman will start chemo again.  She’s been doing this for four years.  Can you imagine?

Knowing her faith, I asked her.  Knowing how I feel, as a mother, I asked her.

“If you didn’t have a daughter, would you still be fighting this?”

Very quickly, she told me no.  She would have gone Home a long time ago.  “This world is only temporary; I know where I will go for eternity”. 

She is still here because of her love for her daughter.

So she goes to chemo.  She fixes dinner, and feels guilty about sometimes using the TV as a babysitter.   She takes her to dance, and to the park.  And feels that she still is not doing all she can for her. She is staying alive for her.  She is so very aware of the precious nature of time; she is fighting every day to make the most of every minute.

And I continue to throw away and waste so much of the time I have.  Honestly, it makes me ashamed.

You are going to hear this from me over and over, this concept, this truth that has become one of the foundations of my thinking.  Little Things Add Up To Be Big Things.  Tom Callos said it.  Tom Callos pushes that concept on us constantly through his work with the Ultimate Black Belt Test.

We’ve seen how it works with our Acts of Discipline program.   Simple math, really.    Set a big goal.  Divide it up into manageable pieces and then get to work.  50,000 pushups in 13 months can be accomplished by performing 125 a day.   If you miss a day, simply increase your reps and catch up.

Cleaning the house?  One room at a time.

Reaching black belt?  One class at a time, one belt test at a time. 

College Degree? 

OK.  You’ve got the picture.

Little Things Add Up To Be Big Things. (LT=BT)

Can that simple truth save our planet?

Confession time.

I detest scary movies. The last horror film I went to was The Exorcist in 1973.  Yes, I’m old enough to have gone to the movie theater when The Exorcist first came out.  The month before my friends and I saw a zombie movie.  I don’t remember which one, but I know that was the last of that genre I ever watched.

Of course many movies incorporate suspense into the plot.  Just because I don’t go to horror movies doesn’t mean I don’t get startled or frightened while watching a movie.

Sometimes the scary moment seems to come out of nowhere.  I’m sitting there, engrossed in the action, and all of a sudden a bad guy jumps out from behind a door.  Usually I jump in my seat, and then feel really stupid for getting caught off guard.

Then, there is the other scenario.  The music starts building… I know something is going to happen… and I close my eyes so I won’t see it, won’t experience it.

If I know something scary is going to happen I close my eyes.

What does this have to do with LT=BT?

The music has been building for a long time about our planet and our environment. 

I’ve had my eyes tightly closed.  Have you?

Tom Callos made learning about the environment a part of the curriculum for UBBT.  He’s forcing me to open my eyes.   And if I truly believe in the concept of LT=BT I’d better get busy. 

Being “green” has become very popular.  Cosmetics are marketed as being “green”.  There are “green” building products, “green” clothing. 

We are being told to recycle, compost,  use different light bulbs.

Every day I make choices.  Do I go with the easy familiar choice or do I make a choice that is better for the environment? 

LT=BT.

No more plastic water bottles.

I’ve purchased several water bottles, and of course we have a bunch for sale at the school.  I bought a water filter system to attach to my sink.  I reuse left over large plastic bottles and store the water in the fridge.  When I leave in the morning, I fill my water bottles with cool purified water, squeeze some fresh lemon juice in it, and I am good to go. 

Easy, it tastes great and it is good for me and the environment.

Here is where I am going with this. 

Green Belt = Green Conscious

It is a six month process to go from Green Belt to Blue Belt.  Let’s use that time as an opportunity to open our eyes about our environment and make some changes.  I’m asking my students to first, do some research, find an environmental subject that interests you.  Water, soil, air, plastic bottles, trees, compost, recycle, electricity use….whatever resonates with you.  Do a short report.  Write down what you have learned and put it on the Digital Dojo so others can learn from you.

Then, create an action plan.  Knowledge is one thing, action is another.    Decide what YOU can do to make a difference.   Write it down and tell us about it on the Digital Dojo.  Be prepared to tell us about it at Graduation, because this is part of your curriculum.

If you have already advanced through Green Belt, guess what?  You get to do this project too! 

If This is what a martial artist does.  We don’t close our eyes, sit back and let others face the reality.  We should be at the front, learning and taking action.  And we should demonstrate leadership by educating and enlisting others in doing what is right. 

If you have questions, if you need some ideas or guidance, contact me and we will talk.  

I could call it a small world.  I could call it the truth of the theory of seven degrees of separation.  Or I could call it a coincidence.    But Saturday I got smacked right upside the head with all of the above.

We had a class for special needs kids at Camp Aldersgate yesterday.  Mr. Jordan conducted the class while I took pictures.  Chase showed up with his mom Leslie and his sister Lacy.  The class was great, of course, the kids, counselors and even a few Camp Aldersgate Board members seemed to have a great time.

Tommy Howard, the Weekend Camping Coordinator offered to take us on a tour.  We had the choice of walking or taking a ride in one of the golf carts.  We elected to walk, it was a beautiful day and it gave us an opportunity to get a little exercise in.  What kind of martial artist would ride in a cart rather than use their feet, right?

What a beautiful facility!  Located just off Kanis Road, the camp is spread out over 120 acres.  Open year round, Camp Aldersgate is an ACA Accredited camp for children with disabilities, developmental delays and medical conditions including autism, cardiac conditions, muscular dystrophy, spina bifida, cerebral palsy, arthritis, cancer, epilepsy, asthma, kidney disorders and diabetes.

As we walked down the paths and Tommy pointed out buildings and described the mission of the camp, I started to see similarities in the buildings at the camp and the structures I had just toured the week before while in Greensboro on our UBBT trip.

The 12,000 square foot Commons Building received the first LEED Gold green building certification in the state, and is also one of only three buildings in Arkansas certified by the US Green Building Council.

 New cabins especially equipped to house children with wheelchairs were pointed out.  They reminded me of the house we built for Mr. Jabbo last week.  I mentioned this, and proceeded to tell him about the experience.  When I mentioned Sam Mockbee, Tommy said “Yes, I know about him and the Rural Studio.  He’s been here.”

Sam Mockbee visited Camp Aldersgate right after he was diagnosed with cancer. His visit happened to coincide with a camp for children with cancer. He liked what he saw.   I’m not sure exactly how it all worked, but his influence reached out to the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville, and many of the new structures at Camp Aldersgate follow the Mockbee theory of design.

How cool is that!  Sam Mockbee in Little Rock!

Two weeks earlier, without the life changing experience of The Alabama Project, I would not have seen the similarities of design.  Two months earlier I would not have known who Sam Mockbee was.  Six months earlier I would not have known, or cared, about a LEED Gold certification. 

So thank you Coach Tom Callos for enlightening me on Sam Mockbee and his influence on Hale County, and opening a door for me to discover something really awesome in my own hometown.

When the student is ready the teacher will come.

I’m not in the habit of turning on the TV in the morning.  Usually, if the weather is “iffy” I’ll check the weather, but I usually prefer to read my paper and drink my coffee.

This morning, for some reason I turned it on. And saw the news that the body of eight year old Sandra Cantu was discovered.  She was found stuffed into a suitcase in an irrigation pond. 

Footage from a neighborhood security camera taken the day she was abducted showed Sandra skipping across the street.  The blurry image could very easily have been my six year old Keely.  Hot tears in my eyes as I watched.

Can you imagine?  Can you imagine how Sandra’s mother feels?  The guilt she will feel for the rest of her life?   Second guessing her actions.   The mental image that will loop in her brain up of what Sandra must have felt and experienced during that time.  Will she ever sleep peacefully again?

Was it a random, impulsive action from the evil housed in a human body that took that little girl?  Or was it someone she knew and trusted with the innocence that we try to preserve in our children? 

It makes me want to keep my daughter in my sight, to hold her tightly whenever we leave the safety of home.  I want to put a bubble around her to keep her safe.

I pray for Sandra’s mother.  And when I pick my little girl up today from school I will hold her extra tight.  Smell the Keely scent of her neck and hair.  Tell her I love her. 

I haven’t stopped smiling.  My energy is at a new level. Thank you UBBT 6 members, Pam and especially Coach Tom Callos for a truly life changing experience!

It takes a while to digest the whole experience.  I’m sure there are going to be several journals about it. 

I met some incredible people.  Rori, who quickly became my sister/daughter (she is the same age as my son, but I think I have found a sister soul in that dynamic little package!)   Matt, who I only connected with on the last evening, but wished I had much more time with.  Rick and Jen,  Katrina, Chris and Christine, Chan, Jeff, so many others. 

We left our egos at the door.  Really, we left them wherever we came from, because Tom laid the law down the first evening.  He drew a very clear picture of his vision for the weekend, and motivated us to live, at least for those few days, outside ourselves.  It worked. 

Let’s face it.  We had the potential to be an environment of way too many “chiefs”.  But the chiefs all of us are in our own lives and schools became willing helpers. 

I worked on the Rosenwald School for the most part, with a little time on the last day at the Thrift Store.  I was drawn to the Rosenwald project because of my past experience with renovation.  I’ve done 14 complete renovations over the years, several looked much like Rosenwald on day one.  A few  won historic preservation awards here in Little Rock.   Driving and walking through Greensboro, looking at all of the fabulous Victorian and Antebellum homes, I was like a kid in FAO Swartz.  My hands were itching to grab every single unloved  house and make it a home.   

Of course, I’m usually the one in charge.  

There was something liberating about walking up to the jobsite, asking who was in charge (Corrine) and saying “what do you want me to do?”  I grabbed a sander, put on my goggles and face mask, and got to work.  Working on one of the walls, I noticed there was a lot of damage to one of the windows.  I pointed it out to Corrine; she asked what I thought we should do.  “Pull it out.”  So that’s what we did. 

The school, when we finished, had a barn owl in a chimney hole, the sky peeking through some of the walls, and no windows.  But it was lovingly, carefully sanded and painted by a group of diverse people who truly left their egos at home. 

The Rosenwald School became a symbol to me of what the UBBT is all about.  When I started, I was in the same state as the school on that first day, standing, but with vines intertwined slowly tearing me apart.  Just as the school had become a storehouse of junk, so had I.  Stress, bad eating habits, lack of focus was slowly tearing me down.

There are still holes in the walls at Rosenwald, just as there are spaces that need to be rebuilt within me.  Some parts of the school could be re-used; some parts will need to be built from fresh clean lumber.  So it is with me.  I can reuse some of the existing Michelle material.  But I’ve got to fill some of those spaces with new material. 

I found that new material in Greensboro, and I brought it home.  Tom provided much of it, with his guidance and wisdom  and example on how to live as a true martial artist and a citizen of the world.  Andy, with his passion for changing the future through education about Diabetes.  Pam, with her joyful smile and dedication to making a lasting impact on the people in Greensboro.   Every UBBT 6 participant provided it with the smiles and willingness to help and share.  Susan, one of the most awesome women I have ever met, will be in my thoughts for a long time.  Randy Edwards with his calm laid back attitude of just getting things done.  And my special girl Rori, who has so much wisdom, energy courage, and joy in her heart and soul.   

So thank you, all of you that participated in Greensboro.  You’ve given me some very high quality material to build on. 

Do not let trifles disturb you.

I made a great investment last week.  I purchased a book called “8,789 Words of Wisdom” by Barbara Kipfer.  I purchased the book to use as a resource when I’m trying to come up with something to write about to comply with my weekly journal commitment for the Ultimate Black Belt Test.  I’m also writing a new character development program to use at LRMA, so this little book has come in very handy.

I’ve completed the Anger Management course that Tom Callos has made available online.   The quote above was going to be the beginning topic for some discussion on anger management.

Then I read Leslie Herrington’s journal entry on the LRMA site.  If you haven’t read it, please do.   http://students.martialartslittlerock.com.  She shared the news that a Sunday School classmate of her son Will has been diagnosed with brain tumor.  An eight year old little girl.

And instead of being a topic for a discourse on anger management, this quote now  meant something else to me. 

Do not let trifles disturb you.

How many times have I let a mundane frustration, a trifle, create a rift in a relationship?  How many times have I zeroed in on a little negative and allowed more negativity to come into my brain, my soul? And how many times have I hurt someone over a trifle?  Trifles have a tendency to add up.  If you allow them to.  If you recognize them and give them weight.

As I think about it, I realize that the times in my life that I focused on trifles were those times when I didn’t have a good grasp of the bigger picture.  Those times when, for whatever reason, my thinking had gotten narrow and small.  Self centered.

Isn’t it funny how the definition of a trifle can change? 

A clean room, finishing a meal, speaking politely, picking up toys and helping with laundry have all been sources of strife in our house in the last week.  These things are not trifles in the big picture of teaching self discipline and responsibility to Keely.

But they certainly seem like trifles if I had just found out she had a brain tumor.

I need to take a close look at what I allow to disturb me.  I need to be less self centered and more other-centered.

And I need to hug and kiss my little girl a lot more. 

I can’t believe that I have had my head in the sand about this for my entire life.    I was a victim and didn’t even know it.  And of course, now that I have decided to become more educated about it, I’m realizing it is everywhere.  And it has been here since the beginning of time.

Violence against women. 

Abusive relationships.

Rape.

Domestic Violence.

I’ve known, unfortunately, several women that were raped. 

One woman was asleep on her couch when an intruder entered through the unlocked door.  The door that her drunken husband had left unlocked when he staggered upstairs to the bedroom. 

Another woman was kidnapped from a discount store parking lot.  She was taken to a dark deserted road, raped, and left on the side of the road.

These are the scenarios that women fear.  These are the scenarios that are in most of their minds, and the minds of their fathers and husbands that urge them to come to one of my self defense seminars.

This is the scenario that is least likely to occur.

What is more likely to happen is that a friend, a lover, a husband, a brother, an uncle or a father will rape commit the rape.

But there is more.

There is the rape of the mind, the rape of the soul.  The rape may not be physical, but it is the damaging Physiological/emotional abuse that many of us live with. 

Anger, jealousy, control, lies. 

Your sister.  Your co-worker.  Your friend. 

Yourself?

I’d like to write this as an” I AM” entry, but that would be dishonest. 

I could say that I AM Disciplined…in spurts.

I AM Disciplined…in some things.

But that is not good enough.

I’m a martial artist.  I’m a business person/school owner.  I’m a mom.  I’m an adult (at age 51 I can’t even say I am a young adult, I’m in full fledged adulthood here)

I tell myself that I am going to _____ (fill in the blank).  I have great intentions.  Maybe I do _____ a couple of times, or for a while.  Then I start slipping.  I come up with reasons (read: excuses) and the next thing I know I’m right back where I was. 

No, I’m actually worse off because I lied. 

I lied to myself.

I have students that tell me they are coming to class the next day.  And they don’t show up.  Now, I know that life gets in the way sometimes, but when that student consistently has something “come up” I have a tendency to not be surprised when they don’t show for class.

I have a friend that agrees to meet for lunch and then can’t make it.  Three out of four lunch dates are postponed. 

There is always a good reason.  But I start to wonder if it is really a reason, or an excuse.  Or even a lie. 

Action not following the words.  That can be a killer in a relationship, can’t it?

During the course of conducting self defense seminars for women, providing information about abusive relationships/domestic violence has become a very important component of what I teach. 

I’ve been reading a lot of books about abusive relationships and domestic  violence.  There are so many stories of women accepting their abuser back into their lives because they promise to change.   The abusers  do make changes for a little while, and then the behavior starts again. 

Sometimes action not following the words can actually kill. 

So what does an abusive relationship have to do with Discipline?

The killer is the lie.  The killer is the action not following the words.

If I tell myself that I am going to complete 150 pushups and crunches a day and I don’t.  I’ve lied to myself.

If I lie in bed at night and tell myself that “tomorrow I am going to eat healthy” and I don’t, then I lied to myself.

After a while, I don’t believe myself when I make that vow.  Actions not following words. 

I’m going to be very careful about what I commit to.  Because whatever I say I am going to do I’m going to write down.  And I’m going to do it.  No excuses.  No lies. 

I have to build an honest relationship with myself. 

On Saturday, we held a garage and bake sale at Little Rock Martial Arts to raise funds for The Alabama Project. Our families donated their goods, volunteers helped set up and price the items the night before and at 7am the morning of the sale. From 8am until 4pm we sold donated items and baked goods. We worked hard and a lot of people got incredible bargains on some really good stuff.
We raised $400 for the project.
The next day I took my parents to Tunica, Mississippi to visit the casinos. The trip was at my Mom’s request to celebrate her 84th birthday. Because she is a “high roller” the meals and hotel rooms were free.
Mom won $980 in the first hour she was at the casino, Dad $400. Both of them came back from the trip with much more money than they had brought. I was very happy for them. They had a great time, and they used only money that they could afford to gamble with. They have purchased furniture, new flooring, even a used car with the proceeds of their gambling winnings over the years.
I couldn’t help but think about the contrast between how I spent Saturday at the Garage Sale, and Sunday at the casinos.
At the casinos, twenty dollar bills were shoved into slot machines mindlessly. The value of money was counted by chips on a table or credits on a slot machine or a paper voucher.
The twenty dollar bill that I put into a machine and played for three minutes and lost would have bought many bags of clothing at the garage sale.
At the end of the two days I spent in Tunica, I had “won” more money than I had gambled. I’d spent two days of my life in smoke filled casino by noise and people focused on pushing buttons in the pursuit of more winnings. I never had any personal interaction with anyone in the casinos except my parents and Frank. I ate food in buffets that was not good for me, or even tasty. I didn’t work out. I didn’t write in my journal. I didn’t read something that would make me think and grow.
During the course of the Garage Sale I got to know some of my students and parents better. I was touched and blessed by the many hours of volunteer work that were freely and cheerfully given for the project. I met new people, several of whom are starting classes with us this week. I talked to a man that is disabled and lived alone, and we were both smiling when he walked out our door. I met a grandmother and grandfather that were raising their three grandchildren and purchased four bags of clothing for eight dollars.
I’m very thankful that I had the opportunity to spend time with my parents. We had a lot of laughs. They had a good time. They deserve to spend their time the way they want at this stage of their life.
But the Garage Sale fed my soul. It made me feel like I made a positive difference for others. It allowed me the humbling experience of being on the receiving end of kindness from the volunteers that helped. It was a good use of my time.